I finally brought myself to re-fill my prescription today for the prenatal vitamins the doctor had told me to keep taking. as a side note the pharmacist says to me " do you know how take this because you haven't filled them in a month and the baby needs them and..." i cut her off and told her i had lost the baby. she looked at me blankly mumbled an apology and rang me up. I grab the bag and walk out feeling even more pissed off at my body than i already am. I sat in the car thinking that the last time i had these stupid PNV i had my baby. I think i was on strike with the vitamins after we lost the baby, it was my way at getting back at my body for not keeping the baby alive. well it kicked my ass right back and i got really sick...actually i have Michael to thank for that but regardless i got sick, still am, very stuffy and i feel like i am walking in a cloud except i don't know if it from being sick or from still being numb.
I miss being pregnant.
I am also in the process of trying to find a doctor who actually gives a shit! Dr. F was great very cut and dry but still sympathetic. his partner Dr. D not so much, my mom didn't like him, neither did Michael, and his comment on the post opt. just left me well unhappy and pissed to say the least.
I have to doctors one was my mom's old Doc and another was a recommendation from a girl i met through the nest, now i have to decide if i want to travel to teaneck NJ or Pomona NY, assuming the NJ doctor works out of Hackensack hospital i have to take into consideration that if i were to get pregnant again, when i go into labor hackensack depending on the time of day can be an hour drive from home, but i am usually in nj during the day anyway, on the other hand the NY doctor works out of Good sam so its easy for us to get to (ie michael) if it were to happen during the day not so great for me, me being the planner i am, hate not knowing anything about my body right now.
I want to be blissfully ignorant again and not worry about all this. those days unfortunately are long gone!
Oh forgot to post i took a pregnancy test and it was negative, which means all the hcg levels are gone so (crossing fingers) my body will go back to normal and we can TTC again real soon, and so i can start clomid! which BTW i find very funny the price diff for this drug: CVS $130 shoprite $38 Walmart $18 uhm i think i'll take the 20 min drive and go to walmart!
that's it for now, i gotta go play housewife and cook dinner!
2 months ago
1 comments:
I just wanted to drop by and give you a hug:) As hard as it must be, just keep your chin up! You've been through a lot of terrible stress and sadness, but brighter days are ahead. I promise you that. Take one day at a time and remember that I'm always here for you!
Katie
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