Thursday, August 4, 2011

why i have been missing in action

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'till tomorrow,
For children grow up, I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby,
And babies don't keep.

--Ruth Hamilton

this is the best way i can sum up why this blog has been so quiet. as i watch my boys together i realize this time will be short that they are this little and still want to spend time with me. so blogging has taken a back seat for now.
not much to update other than we patiently wait for the return of AF after the hysteroscopy which revealed a polyp of placental tissue and inflammation which i will be on antibiotics for 6 weeks total to eradicate. i also O'd on my left side so i'm hoping its a sign that things are still working ok even after being on estradiol my body kind of picked right up after the dose was over.
so for now that is all i have to share. hope everyone is enjoying their summers i just wish it didn't have to end.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

still educating myself on RPL and its possible causes

As we prepare ourselves for yet another surgery due to my sometimes dumb body and habit of loosing babies.
i'vee been keeping busy with dr. google to anwser some questions and raise even more for me to present to my RE.
I hope that my "research" can maybe help others who actually have a life and don't scour the interwebz, while the lil one is snoozing, instead of oh i don't know cleaning, laundry and the shopping list of stuff i need to do while he is asleep.
As some of yo may know i'm going in for a hysteroscopy tomorrow to "poke" around and remove any scar tissue from previous D&C and/or other causes.
so on with today's lessons:

What is Hysteroscopy?

minor surgical procedure utilizing a thin fiberoptic tube or hysteroscope to see the inside of the uterus (endometrial cavity). Hysteroscopy allows the doctor to diagnose and treat a variety of uterine abnormalities which may cause infertility, recurrent miscarriages, abnormal bleeding and pain.

which bring me to why i'm having so many losses...the honest anwser? we really don't know yet and i'm hoping this procedure tomorrow can clear some stuff up. if there is significant scar tissue to be removed then mre than likely that is why. see if the baby implant on scar tissue...its dead tissue with no real blood flow to it so baby won't get a proper blood supply. the other possibility was a heart shaped uterus or bicornuate uterus.

although he is pretty sure the later is not the case since the u/s all show a round/oval shaped uterus.

Recurrent Miscarriage

probably no aspect of infertility is more traumatic than becoming pregnant and then losing the baby to miscarriage. And while most women who miscarry do go on to give birth to a healthy baby in the next pregnancy, infertility specialists are often called in to find out the cause for the recurrent pregnancy loss and recommend treatment.
The incidence of pregnancy loss among all women is about 20%. Statistics show that if the first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, the second has similar possibility - 20% - of the same outcome. After two miscarriages, however, the risk rises to 25%-30%. So, only about 4% of women will experience two consecutive pregnancy losses and less than 1% will experience 3 or more consecutive miscarriages. For this reason, most experts recommend that a woman see a fertility specialist if she has experienced two miscarriages in a row. For a woman who has had three consecutive miscarriages but no history of live birth, the next pregnancy has a 30-45% chance of ending in miscarriage. Keep in mind, however, that this means she still has better than 60% odds of carrying the next pregnancy to term!
It had long been believed that - unlike "first" miscarriages, of which a little over half are caused by chromosomal abnormalities - recurrent pregnancy loss had other causes. However, recent research has demonstrated that about 60% of recurrent miscarriages are also caused by chromosomal abnormalities. Researchers are still debating what causes the remainder. Possibilities include immune system malfunction, hormone imbalances, distortions of the uterine cavity, and pelvic infections. Studies have also linked the use of alcohol, cigarettes, and excessive caffeine consumption to an increased risk of miscarriage.
The risk of miscarriage increases with age, and, in many cases, can be attributed to an abnormal egg. As a woman gets older, the quality of her eggs diminishes resulting, not only in more miscarriages, but also in an increased infertility and genetic abnormalities (such as Down’s syndrome) rates. When a woman seeks medical care for recurrent miscarriages, her doctor will first seek to diagnose the cause for her problem.

What causes recurrent miscarriage?

A cause for the miscarriage can be identified in only 50 % of the cases.

Genetic causes - Your doctor may recommend genetic studies (chromosomal analysis) for you and your spouse. The incidence of chromosomal abnormality in either spouse is approximately 1-3 %. Whenever possible a genetic study of the miscarriage tissue should be obtained. IVF and Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD) has not been found to be particularly helpful as a screening tool for recurrent pregnancy loss, but may be considered in cases of repeated miscarriages attributed to abnormal chromosomal studies (karyotype) in either spouse.

Uterine factors - If, for example, the woman is found to have uterine fibroids or polyps (two types of benign growths) hysteroscopic or laparoscopic surgery may be advised to remove these. Similarly, if she has a uterine septum (a congenital condition in which the uterus has a wall through the middle of it), surgery can correct this. Sometimes, scar tissue within the uterine cavity is responsible for the miscarriage (Asherman’s Syndrome).

Cervical factor – Incompetent cervix is associated with second trimester pregnancy loss as a result of weakening of the cervical tissue. The treatment involves placing stitches to strengthen the cervix and prevent it from dilating prematurely.

Ovulatory factors - If blood tests indicate that a woman has "luteal phase defect" (not producing enough of the hormone progesterone to support an early pregnancy), treatment with progesterone (injectable, vaginal tablets or suppositories) may be considered. Another option is HCG injections to increase the production of progesterone from the ovary. If the miscarriage is caused by faulty ovulation, treatment with fertility medications such as Clomiphene citrate (Clomid, Serophene) can restore normal ovulation and may improve your chance of a successful pregnancy. In some patients with ovulatory dysfunction caused by Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), treatment with Insulin blocker (Metformin) has been shown to improve ovulation and may also decrease the risk of miscarriages.

Advanced reproductive age has been associated with diminished ovarian reserve and increased rates of miscarriage. After age 40, 30-40% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, most often as a result of an abnormal number of chromosomes in the embryo (aneuploidy).
Infectious causes - In some patients a miscarriage can be associated with the presence of an organism called "Ureaplasma", which can be detected by a simple cervical culture and treated with an antibiotic, such as, Doxycycline.
Immunologic factors - such as Antiphospholipid antibodies (APA) or Factor V. In these types of cases, aspirin therapy (81mg daily) may be prescribed during pregnancy. Low dose Heparin therapy has also been demonstrated to be successful in about 80% of patients with recurrent pregnancy losses. Recent studies demonstrated both aspirin and heparin therapy to be equally effective in treating recurrent pregnancy loss with about 80% live birth rate.
Unexplained recurrent miscarriages - In women with unexplained or unknown cause for the recurrent miscarriages, no specific treatment has been found to be helpful.
In a recent randomized placebo-controlled study (2/2010) of 364 women with unexplained recurrent miscarriages, Aspirin and low-molecular weight heparin treatment did not improve live birth rates. 54.5% of women given aspirin and heparin had live births. 50.8% of women given aspirin alone and 57% of women given only placebo (sugar pill) had live births.
Most importantly, aspirin and heparin therapy can increase the risk of placental abruption and pregnancy loss. The take home message is that there is no proven benefit to this treatment in women with recurrent miscarriages and that such treatment may increase the risk of pregnancy loss. Treatment with aspirin and heparin should, therefore, be reserved for patient with recurrent miscarriages caused by inherited thrombophilia or antiphospholipid syndrome.

Leukocyte immunization and Immunoglobulin (IVIG) therapy have been evaluated in patients with recurrent miscarriages. The treatment is expensive and has been shown to provide no significant benefit in preventing further miscarriages. Similarly, natural killer cells (NK) have been implicated in recurrent pregnancy loss, but it is still not certain that NK are necessarily bad in humans.

RPL TESTING

An evaluation for known causes of recurrent pregnancy loss is most often initiated after 2 or 3 consecutive pregnancy losses and may include the following:

Hysterosalpingogram (HSG), Saline Infusion Sonography (SIS) and hysteroscopy to make sure that there are no uterine abnormalities.
Progesterone level or endometrial biopsy to see if an ovulatory disorder, such as corpus luteum defect, is causing the problem.
Chromosomal analysis (karyotype) for the husband and wife.
Culture for Ureaplasma organism.
Immunologic workup (anticardiolipin antibodies, thrombophilia panel).
Day 3 FSH and Estrogen (E2) levels to evaluate the ovarian reserve.
Thyroid, prolactin, blood sugar and insulin levels (in PCOS patients).

Looking for sperm defects (Sperm DNA fragmentation) has not been proven to be helpful for patients with recurrent pregnancy loss.

What can I do to prevent another miscarriage?

Keep in mind that even if the cause for your miscarriages is unknown, you have about 60 - 70% chance of having a successful outcome with your next pregnancy.
If the cause for your miscarriage is known, specific treatment can improve your chances for a successful pregnancy.
Maintain healthy weight and exercise regularly; avoid caffeine, alcohol and smoking. Consider folic acid supplementation and baby aspirin therapy. Seek support from professionals or family members to help you cope with the emotional difficulties often experienced after a miscarriage.
If you are over 40 with recurrent pregnancy loss, the problem may be attributed to poor egg quality. In such cases, Donor egg IVF can be considered.

So as you can see its alot to take in. My personal belief is i may have ascherman's syndrome because of all my D&C, which in hindsight i wanted done to just get it done with and be able to move forward, but now it seems like its making me wait anyway to move forward. damned if i do damned if don't.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

passing time

as we wait for my body to heal i've been keeping busy sewing and doing other crafts, so i figured i would share with you guys what i've been doing.
as i was driving through town a couple of weeks ago i saw a girl wearing a stripped maxi dress and instantly wanted one because it looks so summery and just cute and simple yet put together.
i saw a couple online and in stores and tried them on but wasn't crazy about either price or fit or stule or all of the above. so i figure i would try making it myself.
i used a dress i already own, or more like 2 because its the top of one and the bottom of another.
i used those to make pattern pieces. then i cut my fabric and started piecing it all together.
i made the chest and back area double layers to conceal a bit more since the fabric is thin, not see through but thin

double layered

the front top part where the straps will meet with the bodice

i left about an inch all around so i could fold over, pin and sew the seam allowance

and so i could have straight lines, not jagged

i lined up the top front part and the bottom front skirt part right sides together and sewed so the seam would be hidden

the srtaps were basically long tubes sewed right sides together, then i used a saftey pin to pull one end through to the other side to put it right side out.

the straps attached to the back piece

the front piece where the straps will meet and attach

the edges of the dress's seam allowance

the final product. i added a flower made following this tutorial

flower close up

i got my own labels from etsy. just think the give the clothes more of a finished look

i attached the flower with a pin just in case i ever wanted to attach it to a headband or a belt or whatever

ta-da !!!

.
ok so moving on, i made Gabriel this shirt following this tutorial

close up of the embroidery. honestly i did this in bed watching tv after the kiddos were sleeping.

and finally, darren had this cute ikea table that he was supposed to use for homework, yeah he never did, so it moved to Gabriel as his drawing station but soon it became a rainbow of crayon colors on it., i couldn't really paint it because its not real wood, i guess if i had sanded then primed maybe i could hva painted, but i went the easy route bought chalkboard contact paper cleaned said table and voila instant chalkboard top table leaving room still for his paer roll to paint/drawn on, and its the perfect height.

And finally my two projects lined up and ready to go.
flat front pants with seersucker fabric. pattern found here

and i got all these cozy and fun flannel colors and train fabric to make this blanket for Gabriel

lastly but with out a picture, i got a gorgeous orange chiffon that i will be using to make this for myself.

so as you can see it should keep me busy as we wait for things to get moving.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

the post i didn't think i would have to write ever again

i'm sure you guys have been wondering where the heck i've been, or not if i have any readers left.
well besides sewing and keeping busy with the boys i alos got an nice surpise on mother's day that had kept me..well...praying to the porcelain gods for quite some time.
I got a bfp and we were over the moon.
things wen't pretty normal( well normal for us anyway/0 we started the lovenox shots and the progesterone and then last week we had out 1st u/s which showed a faint heartbeat but also that i was a week behind schedule. Dr. wasn't really worried and said maybe i implanted late and wanted a repeat u/s this am.
i just got home from said u/s which showed not change in baby's size and more notably, no sign of heartbeat.
i'm devastated, i feel like no matter what i do i keep letting my husband down, i let my son down as he wants a big family, i feel, no i know that I am the problem, that more than likely its my eggs that are the issue.
michael says he want to talk to our Re and see if maybe he would rather do IVF so we stop having all these losses, that maybe we can control things and make it as good as possible.
i'm pretty sure we will be meeting with the genetic specialist and our RE to see what the best course of action is, because to be honest with you, 6 losses is just to much to handle at this point. i want a big family and carrying a pregnancy is obviously not an issue.
but how much more heartbreak can one person really take, even if they are as stubborn as i am?
please keep us in your prayers as we head in for a D&C this friday.
and more importantly hug your little ones extra tight tonight because they are truly a blessing and for those of us who struggle and fight and loose part of our souls in the process to have such a magical experience they are priceless.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

handmade goodies

As promised here are a few of the things that have been keeping me busy lately, besides the boys of course

Scalloped edge baby blanket

don't mind the fact that its so wrinkly, G loves to cuddle with it. My next step is to embroider his initial on one corner but for now baby steps.

I was feeling particularly adventurous one afternoon and decided to tackle a button down shirt. if you look closely you will see many imperfections but overall i'm happy with how it turned out. I have to admit the collar was a bitch and half to make!
i used this pattern and one of his shirts to help me along the way

then i figured "hey I want something for me" i had been perusing catalog for dresses for D's communion and came across this Lace-Stripe Tissue Tee from J.Crew

i love how the lace gives this simple tshirt a romantic detail, what i didn't love? the price tag $58!!!! for a tshirt
I grabbed a plain white tshirt from H&M and placed 4 strips of lace where i thought i would want them and pinned in place about a hand width apart

CAREFULLY, try it on to see if the lace is where you want it.
use liquid stitch to hold the lace in place then sew.
I also stitched the lace down the side of the shirt so it wouldn't pull up and so it would be more secure.

cut the excess lace from the side and enjoy!

Monday, April 25, 2011

A different child

A different child, people notice

There's a special glow around you.

You grow surrounded by love

Never doubting you are wanted;

Only look at the pride and joy

In your mother and father's eyes.

And if sometimes between the smiles

There's a trace of tears,

One day you'll understand.

You'll understand there was once another child.

A different child.

Who was in their hopes and dreams.

That child will never outgrow the baby clothes.

That child will never keep them up at night.

In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all...

Except sometimes, in a silent moment,

When mother and father miss so much

That different child.

May hope and love wrap you warmly

And may you learn the lesson forever:

How infinitely precious,

How infinitely fragile is this life on earth.

One day, as a young man or woman

You may see another mother's tears

Another father's silent grief

Then you, and you alone will understand

And offer the greatest comfort.

When all hope seems lost

you will tell them with great compassion:

"I know how you feel.

I'm only here because my parents tried again."

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

BPA and baby food

I try to feed Gabriel and of course the rest of my family as much organic food as i can, specifically any fruit/veggie which skin is edible. Milk, eggs, and cheese. So it was a given that baby food for on the go or when i'm running low on homemade kind was to be the same standard.
my favorites and Gabriel's are earth's best, ella's kitchen, happy baby, plum organics and sprout. Love them all.
My MIL tends to give him what i tell her or she cooks pastina (pasta stars that are minuscule) in chicken broth with veggies.
She did get recently the Gerber toddler meals, which i though was and easy option. Fast forward to last night and when everyone was asleep i was reading May's Glamour magazine which happened to have an article about plastics in general and how they can be dangerous.
It had a part that said BPA has been linked to infertility and went on to mention that most dangerous are plastics with the #7 on the bottom. You can google and will get lots of info on this.subject.
Now back to Gerber:
from green and clean mom

"Now there’s the BPA issue and most of what I used from Gerber was in plastic. Just wonderful, another reason why making your own food probably is the best. So I called the company and wanted to hear what they had to say about BPA and their food in the plastic. The lady on the phone was just darling but uninformed and tried to explain which plastic was safe and which wasn’t and what the FDA says is safe and how Gerber’s priority is safety. A scripted answer and when I pushed for more details on exactly what number plastic was the baby food containers and the juice in, she said she couldn’t find the documents. Hmmmm? I was then asked for my address and she politely said she’d send me coupons. Thanks.
A letter arrived in the mail, nearly two weeks later but the coupons came in two days. A nice letter explained how I can be assured that all Gerber products are safe and meet the U.S. Food and Drug Administration requirements for safety. They explain that the FDA sets regulations for food and plastic interaction and they are well within the federal limits. The Gerber® Graduates® plastic food containers are not made from polycarbonate. Gerber chose the multi-layer #7 plastic to keep food fresh and safe, that’s their reasoning.Their final statement to me was this, “Gerber believes that when used as intended by FDA, these products are safe.”
I drove to the store and looked at all the Gerber plastic and all of the juice containers say #7 and all of the plastic baby food containers are #7. If the plastic is multi-layered then why have a #7 on them? What is the point of parents using BPA free bottles, sippys, teethers and toys when the food they are giving their children is packaged in BPA plastic? I’ve written enough posts on BPA, started a project to help daycare convert to BPA Free products but the big wigs are hiding behind an approved limit. Gerber has been in business for 80 years and they clearly state they have helped family raise happy, healthy babies. Moms decided for yourself if you feel that Gerber is a company you can trust. I, however, believe that Gerber is hiding behind the FDA and needs to make a change, fast! It isn’t enough to just offer me a handful of coupons and discounts to forget about the BPA!
If you feel the same as I do, call or write the company and tell them your feelings (1-800-4-Gerber). We have to start demanding that large companies make these changes and stop accepting what the FDA deems as safe limits. Enough is enough! Safe Mama has also composed a great post that might be worth reading. Safe Mama mentions Gerber claiming all of their products were BPA Free but in my formal letter, there is no statement such as this. I guess we were on the same wave length! Moms Rising started a petition for you to sign that lets the CEO’s know, we want change. For now, maybe begin making your own baby food, choose foods in glass jars rather than plastic (be sure to recycle them) and maybe consider buying from a company that makes organic baby food in safe containers."

Here is some more info from the Glamour article:
3 chemicals to know and AVOID

Bisphenol A (BPA) - linked to infertility problems & heart disease. Don't microwave food in plastic containers and choose glass over canned goods.

Phthalates - found in some cosmetics, air fresheners & cleaning products especially ones with fragrance. Contributes to weight gain, may interfere with male-type hormones. Go fragrance free.

Tributylin - in some shower curtains, TBT may turn stem cells into fat cells. Buy PVC-free plastics.

HOW TO STAY SAFE
1. eat well and exercise
2. buy fresh produce if possible(no packaging)and choose food foods in glass containers instead of metal cans.
3. no plastics in the microwave
4. always try to buy organic version of foods with edible skins
5. check the safety of your cosmetics - database.com enter 5 items you use the most and it will rank its potential health hazards. josie maran cosmetics is a great "green" healthy choice
6. don't use cleaning products with fragrance or air fresheners - I've been using method or just plain vinegar to clean, safer for baby, us and mother earth. Search the blog i have a post for homemade home cleaners that are baby friendly and easy to make.
7. filter your tap water - we use PUR attachment and it works amazing.
8. take off your shoes before entering your home - don't track in outdoor stuff like pesticides and other cancer-causing substances, plus it keeps your floors cleaner!

Just wanted to share some info and food for though. I'm not getting anything for mentioning any of the above brands, just sharing what has worked for us
And like glamour says " Be Proactive, don't wait for the goverment to tell you not to eat something or use something because bv the time they do and IF they do, too many people will have suffered"

in the meantime i'll probably use up whats left of the gerber food just not heat them up in said container, Then i guess i'll have to keep up with my homemade food for our little monkey.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Busy

This once a month blogging thing has got to stop and it will i promise...BUT i do have a legitimate reason, we have been house hunting and it looks VERY promising (fingers crossed) and i have been putting my birthday gift

to very good use and i will be showing you some of my "creations"

oh yeah besides that i also have a communion to plan and put together and my little monkey who is exhausting but so much fun to watch his antics every day.
He currently has 2 molars and 1 incisor cutting through at the same time and my arms can prove that with lots of black and blues.
stay tuned!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Praying

i was getting ready to finally (yet again) update my blog and had a long post with pics all set to go, but for now and in light of the events in Japan today, my only request is please pray for all of those people. My heart goes out to them for i know how fast an earthquake can be devastating but a tsunami on top?
God Bless them all and give them strength.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Yes we still exist...finally updates

I know i know i have been a craptastic blogger, but we were away in costa rica and with the boy's party, well lets just say i was lucky i was bale to wash my hair as often as i did.
so without blabbing too much, i wanted to share some pics from Gabriel's 1st Bday and Darren's 10th! (holy crap that makes me feel old)
I had been brainstorming for the longest time about how to "them" the party and since they are both HUGE milestones it seemed unfair to have to throw 2 different parties or our friends and family to have to travel to, so for this year we decided to combine them. i think its the only time this will ever work due to the huge age difference. elmo and transformers don't quite go together. so along with Darren we came up with Seuss and his thing 1 and thing 2.
it worked out perfectly for us.
so i scoured the interwebz for inspiration and quickly found lots of ideas for baby showers not so much birthdays of such an age gap so i got creative with the ideas.
i'll post the link to the inspirations down below, make sure you check them out these ladies have mad skills and i couldn't have come up with many things without their creativeness.

THE DETAILS
I made both of these banners

Then i used the same template to make them each a personalized poem, and below are the 12 months of pics of my little monkey

The gift table, its hard to see but i bough the birthday book from seuss and put a note telling guests to please leave a message in the book. it will make for a nice keepsake

I couldn't decide on centerpieces and on a christmas shopping trip to khols i found these guys for $5 each. add balloons and voila perfect centerpiece

Found the ice bucket at the $ section in target and it was the perfect place to hold our personalized silverware, or plasticware as Darren would say

The menu, there is one for the dessert table as well.

These evntually became crayon rolls that were part of the goodie bags, which i totally forgot to take pics of but do have extra so i have to find it to show you guys.
They had a crayon roll, a bottle of bubbles (personalized of course) a mini coloring book and a baggie of goldfish..
I got the squares from ebay and this was not its intended initial use but they worked perfectly.

THE FOOD

red velvet and cream cheese thing cupcakes...yes the cotton candy "hair" would have looked better but i had no time to find it let alone put it one.

chocolate dipped marshmellows, again i wanted to do cake pops but time was an issue

chocolate dipped/drizzled pretzels and oreo truffles (yum and super easy to make, look here for the recipie)

sugar cookies with royal icing with a D or G

vanilla cupcake with orange tinted buttercream frosting and a wocket on top

green deviled eggs, we also had hams and swiss sliders but somehow do not have a pic of them.

salads

spinach dip (thanks jules)

The amazing cakes our beloved baker made for us, it was beyond perfect and delicious

THE GUESTS OF HONOR

my big boy

and my little monkey

let them eat cake

in case you are wondering i got his customized shirt from SewMuch2Sew over at etsy. she was super helpful and even though it was a last minute thing she was able to get it to us on time for the big day. Its hard to see but its got his name under the 1.