let's talk tears

If you didn't have one or need an episiotomy, don't keep reading this post is not for you. =)

Oh and there are tons of TMI so you've been warned...

I had a second degree tear. The first week was pretty bad. I couldn't sit unless I had 2 towels rolled up on either side under me so I was kind of "free-floating" (nice visual huh?).
I had a double epi with D off to the side; this one was midline and needed more than just a couple of stitches. How many in total? I have no idea. I wasn't told, nor did I ask. The stitches are supposed to dissolve in 7-10 days.
Right after my Dr. fixed me up, the nurse came in with a NB diaper filled with ice and placed it down there :::ahhhhh::: never knew ice could be so amazing!
Then once I was able to walk after the epi wore off, she took me to the bathroom had me sit and introduced me to the squirt bottle, next best thing to the ice. She said anytime after I go to the bathroom, pat dry and then rinse with warm water, she also gave me witch hazel pads, LOVE these, she had me put some numbing cream right onto the pad then gently press it to the wound and leave it there, keeping it in place with the heavy duty hospital grade diapers...er I mean [ads which in turn were held in place by the unforgettable mesh panties, I have to stop here and say that you can mock them all you want and its one of those love them or hate them items, I personally loved them, Michael vowed to never make fun of my Vickie’s boy shorts since they were 10 times sexier than "those things" excuse me I just pushed out your child and your thinning sexy!? what is wrong with this picture? lol
Anyway my lady bits were frozen and numb and I was good, until the epi really wore off, I was in my room and baby was BF'ing for the first time after delivery...wow I had completely forgotten how much the after pains really hurt not to mention them pushing your down on you tummy like they have more stuff left in there to deliver, oh and the gushing feeling...not fun either.
Motrin please...wait I can have Percocet? Bring it on! (Actually I only took it at night so it wouldn't get to baby or I feed him right before I took it)
Once we got home there was no way I was going anywhere near our stairs, so we slept in the living room the first 3 days. I was very good about doing all the extra steps to help heal faster and oh yeah to minimize the pain. I remembered that the morning I went into labor I had seen this thing at BRU and thought "oh cool idea..hmm $15 not really a necessity" that first night was hell with the pain, not having gone #2 my tummy was feeling funny but I was scared to go and cause more pain, thank God for colace. I sent hubby out to BRU next day to go get the damn thing, if I had known how effective it was I would have paid $50 for it. I honestly believe this thing helped me so much to heal faster and be numb.
So here I am almost 2 weeks later, yes still a bit sore, but the stitches I think are all gone if not then the majority are (hey I can't feel them anymore)
in summary here are my must haves if you tore or had and episiotomy and the last one even if you didn't have any of these but had a vaginal birth the thing is heaven sent and worth every penny IMO.

1 peri bottle aka my new best friend and bum saver


2. witch hazel pads ( if you can't find any store made ones, make them yourself, use the facial round makeup cotton swabs, buy a bottle of witch hazel (by the alcohol and hydrogen peroxide in your pharmacy/grocery store)
find a container soak the pads and refrigerate, trust me the cold will feel awesome

3. always infinity pads - once the heavy bleeding has passed, 2-3 days after I came home from my 3 day hospital stay (6-7 days after birth) these have worked really well for me, I only leaked through once and they are long enough to keep you covered.


4. Earth mama earth angel - like I said I got it at BRU but you can also get it from Amazon or their direct website.

5. 2 towels- or if you have $$$ to spend you could get one these, but the towels serve the same purpose

1-week-old

Your baby's eyesight is still pretty fuzzy. Babies are born nearsighted and can see things best when they're about 8 to 15 inches away, so she can see your face clearly only when you're holding her close.

Don't worry if your baby doesn't look you right in the eye from the start: Newborns tend to look at your eyebrows, your hairline, or your moving mouth. As she gets to know you in the first month, she'll become more interested in having eye-to-eye exchanges. Studies show that newborns prefer human faces to all other patterns or colors. (Objects that are bright, moving, high-contrast, or black-and-white are next in line.)

Wow, I can't believe its been a week already, the last couple of weeks of pregnancy seemed to drag and all i could think of was how much i wanted to hold our baby, Now that he is here it seems that time is flying. I spend every minute i can with him and often just watch him as he sleeps, it still seems so sureal that he is finally here and we can hold him. I see how much he has changed already since coming home from the hospital, his NB clothes are fit a bit snug and his t-shirt from the hospital is now a mini tee lol. His expressions are priceless and he has so many of them.
To say that i'm completely and insanely in love with this little boy is an understatement. It has brough a flash of memories back from when D was born and i think because of our journey it has made this that much more special.
I now leave you with my smiling 1 week old son

Finally my birth story

I had "planned" for pretty much everything and seeing that I’m OCD about every detail in anything this didn’t surprise anyone. Thing is birth is the one thing you can plan for all you want but in the end it won’t go that way at all. Regardless the outcome for us was an incredibly perfect baby that we love more than words could possibly ever describe.
So here is our story. As I mentioned in my last post Monday we had our last OB appointment at 39 weeks, I was still 2cm dilated so Dr. F decide she would strip my membranes to hopefully get things moving although she stressed it was not a guarantee it would work. We did and NST which monkey passed with flying colors, then we went home. We stopped at BRU since we had a gift card left over from the shower and bough the bouncer which I had been debating over, and D picked up a Lego set with his birthday money. We then went to chili’s for lunch. All that time I was walking around cramping and just uncomfortable, contractions were present but nothing time-able or strong enough for me to worry. We decided to go home and just relax for the rest of the day. I guess you could say early labor started at about 7pm that night, I was having constant strong but painless contractions. We started timing them and they were about 20 minutes apart or so. I prayed they would eventually get closer together enough to have to call the Dr and avoid being induced all together. At about 9pm they were anywhere from 5-7 and taking my breath away but still not what I would consider painful. I called the Dr. and was told that when they hit 3 minutes I should go in, or otherwise if the pain got really bad to just go ahead and go in. Oh and that I didn’t need to call him anymore unless it was past 7am, so I should just call the L&D and let them know I was coming and go through ER since it was past 9pm.alrighty then.
Fast forward to 11pm, the contractions were coming every 6 minutes and were getting more than just uncomfortable, I told Michael to go shower and that we should go in because I was pretty sure this was it. On a side note I’m sooo happy I was able to say to my husband “honey its time” as cliché and corny as it sounds I wanted to be able to experience that. I was induced with D a week early and very unexpected after a routine morning u/s showed low fluid and I was admitted right then and there. Ok so Michael showered and got his mom who was coming with us to L&D and I got whatever last minute things we needed. We were in the car at about 12:15am when I called my mom to let her know what was going on. We got to Good Sam in about 15 minutes and ctx were making it difficult to walk let alone speak, pain scale at this point 2-3. We arrived at ER and were taken to L&D & checked in right away. As the paperwork was being done ctx were getting stronger, we managed to make it into the bathroom and change into the gown, and then I was hooked up to the monitor and was informed that I would be getting the IV immediately, because of the heparin. That was a pretty straight forward thing. I was then checked and was 3 cm, 80% effaced…wohoo
Our nurse was a sweetheart and when she saw me in pain (about 2am) she asked about the epidural at which point I said nope not now or later, so she offered stadol. That I took since I had Demerol with D and was all I needed to get through the pain. This one unlike Demerol though was a shot in the butt as opposed to IV. It seemed to work well I was feeling the ctx but they were bearable to a certain point. Everything went well for the next couple of hours. Occasionally the nurse would come in to check the monitor. She mentioned she hoped we would deliver before her shift ended at 7:30am.
At one point I started feeling lightheaded and looked over to the monitor, monkey’s HR had dropped to 83! Just as I was about to scream for them to come in, the nurse rushed in and told me to lay on my left side and they pushed epinephrine in via IV, I have low BP and apparently the stadol had relaxed me enough that I felt lightheaded but didn’t realize I wasn’t breathing properly and therefore monkey was not getting enough O2. As soon as I turned over his HR went back up to 130. I was checked again and was at 5cm. By 3:30 the contractions were literally on top of each other and all the breathing in the world, the focus points, nothing was helping me get through it. I finally caved and pleaded for the epidural, I felt like I had given up, I lost it and started crying, I had been so adamant about not getting and epi that I truly felt like I failed. I didn’t even make it to 7cm, but I had so many problems with my back in 3^rd tri that at this point though I wanted relief and to be sane(read : numb) enough to enjoy my son being born. The anesthesiologist finally showed up after what seemed like an eternity and started. It took 3 tries before he could get the damn thing in because the ctx were so intense and he wanted me to curl up like a cat! Uhmm hello big belly still in the way. The nurse kept telling me to relax my shoulders and breath, ok easier said than done. They finally got the thing in and told me it would kick in about 15 minutes. The next ctx were incredibly painful and I thought I was going to pass out and throw up from the pain; I’m actually surprised I didn’t. The epi finally kicked in and I was able to relax and more importantly breathe! The catheter was placed and my Dr. broke the bag of water. At about 5:00 am my Dr. came back and checked me, asked how I felt and I told him I felt a lot of vaginal and rectal pressure. He had me do a couple of pushes and then said “ok we are ready” at which point I looked at Michael and said “really? I’m not! OMG we are having our baby!” they dismantled the bed and got set up and told me I could start pushing, by the 3^rd push they said stop his head is right there and had me reach around and feel him. It was amazing to know my son was right there almost in my arms. 2 more pushes and Gabriel Michael made his debut into this world and right onto my chest. I immediately started crying and Michael was too. His cries were something we both had been longing to hear for 2 years. They were perfect and strong. I couldn’t get over his full head of hair and how perfect his head shape was despite a vaginal delivery. He was perfect. I was in love with this little man of mine. I was able to hold him for about 5 minutes before they whisked him to get cleaned and measured, Michael followed him. My Dr. proceeded to deliver the placenta and then informed me I had a decent tear (no clue to what degree) and he was stitching me up. I was able to get my mom on the phone while Gabriel was still crying and all she could do was cry and tell me how great I was and how much of a blessing and miracle our baby was! Indeed he is mom.
Everything I went through to get to this point I would do again in heartbeat, the shots, the P4 supplements, messy as they are, the monitoring…hey I got to see him pretty much every month.
Everything I had just gone through was 100% worth it. I can’t wait to see so many firsts with him. I now also feel and incredibly strong connection to my husband that although we have a strong bond already, creating a child together especially after our trial and tribulations made it so much more intense.
I feel incredibly lucky to have such a great family. And especially blessed that both my boys are healthy and that they are here with me.
Although i miss being pregnant already, I would not trade where we are now for anything.