Viv & Michael's World: Surgery tomorrow

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Surgery tomorrow

Seem I'm never getting off this roller coaster that just seems to go in this horrible circles, basically it goes, BFP- happiness- bad u/s - bad news- confirmation of loss -surgery -TTC- and we are back at go
3 babies in 7 months it makes no logical sense its not right, and its definitely not fair.
Michael has been amazing but i know he is hurting as much as i am, he cried in my arms last night and said those were the last tears because he needed to be strong for me...BS i said
I hate it all so much but more so seeing him this way, it breaks my soul to see him cry and hurt all because my stupid dysfunctional body can't do the one fucking thing its meant to!
It sucks to admit I'm broken...literally!
I just want this to be over, 2008 has been wow i can't even think of a word to describe how bad its been. I just want it over all of it all the pain, the tears, the joy,
I just don't care anymore!
So anyway surgery is tomorrow and i should be home by noon....we hope....

4 comments:

Kristin (kekis) said...: I'm sorry you're having to go through all of this. It really sucks and there aren't many other ways to describe it. GL tomorrow - and make sure to get lots of extra pain pills for home. ;); September 28, 2008 at 7:06 PM
Amy (TheGiggleWorm) said...: I will be thinking about you. If you ever want to GTG, I am up for the ride.

I hate that we are members of the same club. I want to revoke both of our memberships!; September 28, 2008 at 7:40 PM
Jess said...: I'm so sorry Vivian! Please know you will be in my thoughts and prayers!!! Sending you lots of love & hugs!!! Hang in there! We are all here for you!; September 28, 2008 at 9:25 PM
Mikie B said...: Viv, I don't know you and I am not really sure how I ended up on your site but I am just in tears after reading what you have been through. I had a miscarriage in late April with a D&C on May 6th...I will never forget that day. I was due Dec 19th just a few days after your second pregnancy's due date. We have yet to concieve again and I am now on my second round of clomid hoping to fall pregnant soon. I know you just had surgery again and I hope you are healing, the heart is the hardest to heal and I will pray for you to find peace everyday. I just wanted to say hello and send you lots and lots of baby dust from down here in Alabama. Take care and I am praying for us both to become Mommy's in 2009!!!
Mikie Blumentritt; October 2, 2008 at 3:15 PM

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Our Angels

If tears could build a stairway And memories were a lane We would walk right up to Heaven And bring you back again..... No farewell words were spoken No time to say goodbye You were gone before we knew it And only God knows why...... Our hearts still ache in sadness And secret tears still flow What it meant to lose you No on will ever know.....

missed m/c ~ D&C
Due date Sept 3, 2008

Ectopic ~ Emergency Lap surgery
Due date Dec 10, 2008

missed m/c ~ D&C~ trisomy 16
Due date May 5, 2009

blighted ovum
Due date July 31, 2009

with us for 4wks ~ chemical
due date Nov 20 2009

with us for 5wks 3d ~ missed m/c ~ D&C
Due date Jan 20 2011

we will forever miss you!

Common Abreviations

2WW - time between your O date and AF's next arrival that can detect pg
AF (Aunt Flo) - your period aka red dragon/bitch/ect.
BCP - Birth Control Pills
BBT - Basal Body Temp/theromoter
BD - baby dance aka sex!
BFN - Big Fat Negative = negative HPT
BFP - Big Fat Positive = positive HPT
BW - Blood workBetas - # of HCg in your blood that has to double every 48 hours or so to = viable pg
CD - Cycle day (AF counts as CD1)
MH - My Husband
DPO - Days past ovulation
EDD - Estimated Due Date
HCG - Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (PG hormone)
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
M/C - Miscarriage
M/S - Morning Sickness
O - Ovulation
OPK - ovulation prediction kit
RE - the Doctor that gets you pg
PG - pregnantPNV - Prenatal vitamin
POAS - Pee On A Stick
TMI - Too Much Information
TTC - Trying to conceive
U/S – ultrasound

Our Journey

Oct 2001 - We met at work
Feb 2002 - 1st date on valentine's day
June 2004 - Breast biopsy = non malignant...phew
Nov 2004 - Bad pap, colposcopy and LEEP surgery
Nov 2005 - married my best friend and the love of my life
Dec 2006 - we decide to start TTC
Jan 2007 - Our first Disney trip as a family
Feb 2007 - 6 year together on valentine's day
Mar 2007 - springtime
Summer 2007 - Costa Rica for 2 wks, Out this cycle
Sep 2007 - starting to get antsy ! WTF!!!
Oct 2007 - talk to doctor about clomid, he says to try... and does HSG to check out inner workings!
Nov 2007 - HSG reveals blocked left tube. great only one good working tube. My plumbing sucks.
Dec 2007 - clomid 100mg, now we wait for AF to start.
Dec 2007 - no AF i decide to take HPT..BFP #1 ...I'M PREGNANT! EDD sept 3 2008
Jan 2008 - back to Disney for 11 days. 1st u/s, saw the baby for the first time at 7 weeks. Good HB
Feb 2008 - Started spotting on Feb 14 (our dating anniv) u/s = no heartbeat...we lost the baby, D&C next day
Mar 2008 - waiting on AF AGAIN to start clomid for second try. no AF after 40 days post D&C, took HPT test BFP #2 ! EDD Dec 10 2008, 3 days after my b-day
April 2008 - Thur 3rd, started bleeding and passing tissue, looks like another m/c, betas scheduled for next day wait it out to be over, Mon 7th, sharp pain lead me to ER which confirms ectopic pg, emergency lap. TTC until 2nd AF.
May 2008 - AF showed just one week shy of my 1 month post lap surgery. This month I started Clomid 50mg hopefully I won't have to be on this stuff for too long.
June 2008 – AF showed again moving on to clomid 100mg
July 2008 – another failed cycle, I’m leaving for vacation w/o MH, no clomid till sept! TTC naturally crossing fingers!
Aug 20 2008 – OMG!!! I got a BFP #3 EDD 05/5/09
Sept 2008 – after excellent betas doubling and progesterone supplements, we found out sept 26th that our baby had stopped growing at 5wks 2 days, I should have been 8 wks. 2nd D&C has been scheduled for sept 29th.
Oct 2008 - taking a break from TTC till the genetic testing gives us some answers. Later diagnosed with compound hetero MTHFR started baby asprin and 5mg of folic acid for life.
Nov 2008 - BFP #4 EDD 07/31/09 - started lovenox daily and progesterone, started bleeding late Nov. Betas still doubling, low p4 of 6 doubled up P4 dosage 200mg day and 100mg at bedtime..hoping it does the trick and we get a sticky baby! 3 year anniv.
Thanksgiving day i started passing clots, betas dropping 4th m/c. passed all naturally
Dec 2008 - Decide to take a break till next year.
Jan 2009 - Started charting again
Feb 2009 - keep charting
March 2009 - BFP #5 , 11/20/09 very low betas which started dropping shortly after = Chemical pregnancy...5th loss
April 2009 - my mom got very sick, flew to Costa Rica, stayed for 1 month TTC on hold, not charting
May 2009 - Came back home, decide to TTC next month and just have fun this one. Surprise BFP #6 on the 17th, EDD 01/25/10 cautiously awaiting betas and 1st u/s scheduled for June.
June 2009 - 1st u/s showed strong HB of 171 all looks great
July 2009 - wonderful NT test, baby is growing strong
Aug 2009 - its a BOY!!!
Sept - 2009 - Started school again, what was i thinking?!
Oct 2009 - baby looks great, rainy Halloween
Nov 2009 - 4 year anniversary
Dec 2009 - almost there, quiet Christmas just being thankful
Jan 2010 - Monkey is born Jan 19, 2010 at 5:21am
Jan 2011 - TTC again for #3
May 2011 - BFP #7 on mother's day EDD 01/22/2012
Jun 2011 - saw the HB at 5wk 2d then a week later it was gone. D&C on the 10th. 6th loss....
Jun 2011 - Met with new RE, new plan is hysteroscopy with next cycle, IUI with wash and clomid, possibly a trigger as well. genetic testing for both of us.
Jul 10 2011 - AF, CD2 u/s showed a cyst on right ovary, cycle canceled.
Jul 14 2011 - hysteroscopy showed some polyps which were removed, everything else looks good.
Aug-Dec 2011 – 2 cycles cancelled due to ovulation on left side with no tube no GO. 3 IUI femara, triggers, all BFN. Insurance changed and dec was our last cycle.
Jan -Mar 2012 – back to clomid with no success.
Apr- Aug 2012 – TTC naturally no more meds other than pnv and aspirin. BFN
Sep 2012 – surprise BFP #8 while on vacation. Initial progesterone of 79!!! Good u/s showed everything is where it should be. EDD 06/10/2013
Oct -Nov 2012 – first trimester testing came back perfect. NST showed wonderful numbers. We made it out of 1^st trimester. Very optimistic
Dec 2012 – at 16 week u/s baby had no hb, amnio was done to see if we can determine cause. 7^th loss…
Jan 3 2013 - Our daughter Kiara was born at 11:30pm.
Feb 2013 - AF showed up right on time, given the all clear to TTC again. Starting supplements per Dr. Ben's guide.

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Sunday, September 28, 2008

Surgery tomorrow

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