moving on

So i've come to realize that maybe my getting pregnant was just a fluke, i mean serioulsy temping and charting and doing it all by the book it still took 14 months only for it to be robbed from us...twice! the one month i basically gave up was the month i got pregnat. My mom say its because i don't relax enough and let it happen, HA if it were only that simple then why does brith control even exist if its a matter of mind(stress) over body? whatever!
I've decided to just let it go, i'm looking into adoption but its so expensive, then i think you know i already have a gorgeous son who is my life and my world, and maybe we are just supposed to cherish him. don't get me wrong we do already but maybe instead of focusing so much attention to TTC, i should direct it to my family, my boys who are my everything. So its a process that has begun, not the best way possible since i finally let myself go and had expresso, beers, a cigarette(not the best i know) and much more. I finally enjoyed sex with my husband as a fun thing to do not as a we have to because the test says we do and its that time. Don't get me wrong we aren't completely giving up, i'm still charting and taking OPK's the folic acid and EPO, but other than that, i'm not being anal about it any more!
so take that universe/god/insert whatever here! here's your damn white flag from my end!
I don't care anymore!