the post i didn't think i would have to write ever again

i'm sure you guys have been wondering where the heck i've been, or not if i have any readers left.
well besides sewing and keeping busy with the boys i alos got an nice surpise on mother's day that had kept me..well...praying to the porcelain gods for quite some time.
I got a bfp and we were over the moon.
things wen't pretty normal( well normal for us anyway/0 we started the lovenox shots and the progesterone and then last week we had out 1st u/s which showed a faint heartbeat but also that i was a week behind schedule. Dr. wasn't really worried and said maybe i implanted late and wanted a repeat u/s this am.
i just got home from said u/s which showed not change in baby's size and more notably, no sign of heartbeat.
i'm devastated, i feel like no matter what i do i keep letting my husband down, i let my son down as he wants a big family, i feel, no i know that I am the problem, that more than likely its my eggs that are the issue.
michael says he want to talk to our Re and see if maybe he would rather do IVF so we stop having all these losses, that maybe we can control things and make it as good as possible.
i'm pretty sure we will be meeting with the genetic specialist and our RE to see what the best course of action is, because to be honest with you, 6 losses is just to much to handle at this point. i want a big family and carrying a pregnancy is obviously not an issue.
but how much more heartbreak can one person really take, even if they are as stubborn as i am?
please keep us in your prayers as we head in for a D&C this friday.
and more importantly hug your little ones extra tight tonight because they are truly a blessing and for those of us who struggle and fight and loose part of our souls in the process to have such a magical experience they are priceless.