You Might Be a Mommy If . . .

You Might Be a Mommy If . . .

By Leslie Wilson

- Every shirt you own has spit-up on the shoulder.
- Must-see TV includes Barney, Arthur and Disney Playhouse.
- You carry a diaper bag instead of a purse.
- You analyze babies’ bodily functions with women you just met.
- “Sleeping in” is when the clock reads 6:30 a.m.
- You never go anywhere without baby wipes.
- You sleep with a baby monitor a foot away from your head.
- With each subsequent child, you’ve progressed from sterilizing the pacifier to washing it off to blowing on it, invoking the three-second rule.
- Your children are better dressed than you.
- You used to be known by your first name - now you’re Jordan’s mommy.
- You store five sizes of clothes in your closet.
- You call your husband on his cell phone in order to have a real conversation with him.
- You go to bed at 12:30 a.m. and get up at 5:00 a.m., thankful for the extra sleep.
- Excitement means Pampers are on sale.
- You consider PBJs and Cheetos a nutritious meal.
- You can change from lounging-sweats casual to night-on-the-town glamorous in three-and-a-half minutes.
- “Doing lunch” means meeting three friends and their preschoolers at the McDonald’s Playplace.
- Hearing the words, “I’m done,” from the bathroom sends chills up your spine.
- You own more Disney movies than pairs of shoes.
- You can pee with three children watching you - and only two are yours.
- You spend more on babysitters than you do on utilities.
- If you were trapped for days in your car, you could survive on the Cheerios and french fries on your floorboards.
- You can tell what your daughter ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner by looking at the front of her T-shirt.
- You willingly hug and kiss a kid who has sticky fingers, sweat-drenched hair and a milk mustache.
- You’re overworked, overcommitted and underappreciated - and you wouldn’t trade your life for anything in the world.