PINTEREST HOW I LOVE THEE...

anyone that know what pinterest is knows how addicting it is and how quickly your to-do list can escalate.
my sewing to-do list had about 5 projects, i think i add about 2 every day since discovering pinterest, needless to say i have many projects and an equally growing collection of fabric.
well i've decided to stop pinning at least not as much and start sewing.
And so from this polyvore pic:

came these two creations...

my version of the shirt

paired with the peach cardi

another view

not to shabby huh?

I also made this shirt

its way long and could probably double as a dress, so i'm going to shorten it since it wasn't really the look i was going for.
Also i have to say that the rectangle width seems a bit too much on my frame, so next time i'm going to make it less. Worth noting also my length on this is 24" and still way log.
 close up of the bow detail

following this tutorial from this pin


next up is this dress:
i Love from VS






going to try it using this tutorial

and this shirt too
and this one
oh and maybe this one...i love the whole look

i also have another shirt i made using this tutorial but forgot to take pics of it

so i guess that gives a glimpse of my sewing to-do list that helps keep my mind busy AND productive.

how things change...

Last time i wrote here i thought my klife was finally falling into place...boy was i wrong. i got some devastating news that has rocked my world and my soul to its core. i can't really go into many details but to summarize it i'm going to steal a friend's powerful words:

A few things I've learned.
I have learned more valuable lessons these past 4 months than any class would ever be able to teach. Watching two people whom I adore die right before my eyes has taught me a lot and made me realize what's really important in life.

1. Invest your time in people, not things.
Relationships are far more valuable than any other tangible thing ever will be.

2. No matter what life throws your way, stand firm & trust that there is a reason & you ARE going to get through it.
"To everything there is a season.." Read Ecclesiastes 3

3. Spend time with those you love.
You never know when it will be your last together.

4. Things don't matter.
You could have all the money in the world, a beautiful home, a nice car. They don't matter. It really hit me last week as I watched my grandma and all that she left behind. None of it goes with you in the end. It's just stuff.

5. The far most important thing that I have been reminded of is how incredibly important a relationship with Jesus is. Think about your life and your heart, if you were to die tonight in a freak accident where would you be going? Heaven? Hell? There is no in between. Life can literally change in an instant an tomorrow isn't promised so PLEASE examine your heart and if you haven't yet, ask Jesus into your heart. Our time on earth is SO short compared to eternity. Can you imagine eternity in Hell? Gnashing of teeth, constant wailing, a hot fiery furnace...forever! Don't let that be your destination.

I could go on about things I've learned...

Enjoy the life that God has given you . Do what you love. Laugh often. Live a life with no regrets. Listen to your heart. Pray and continuously seek the Lord. Be a blessing to others. Take time for yourself. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, for He is good! Live a life that is honest and pure. Be a friend to the friendless. Love your neighbor. Take tons of pictures. Trust that the Lord has you right where He wants you at the very moment. Forgive. and Love deep.

You've only got one shot, so make yours count.


Lyrics to the song playing:
Heaven Song by Phil Wickham

You wrote a letter and You signed your name
I read every word of it page by page
You said that You'd be coming, coming for me soon
Oh my God I'll be ready for You

I want to run on greener pastures
I want to dance on higher hills
I want to drink from sweeter waters
In the misty morning chill
And my soul is getting restless
For the place where I belong
I can't wait to join the angels and sing my heaven song

I hear Your voice and I catch my breath
'Well done my child, enter in and rest'
Tears of joy roll down my cheek
It's beautiful beyond my wildest dreams

I want to run on greener pastures
I want to dance on higher hills
I want to drink from sweeter waters
In the misty morning chill
And my soul is getting restless
For the place where I belong
I can't wait to join the angels and sing...

I want to run on greener pastures
I want to dance on higher hills
I want to drink from sweeter waters
In the misty morning chill
And my soul is getting restless
For the place where I belong
I can't wait to join the angels and sing
No, I can't wait to join the angels and sing my heaven song

Hey i'm still alive...

Wow it has been almost a year since i last posted. Truth be told i needed the break. I needed to focus on my boys, my family and myself. My last visit to the RE was back in Dec and since my insurance changed in January i could no longer continue under his care, so we are once again TTC on our own, no meds, no intervention, just the good ol' fashioned way, with lots of practice.
other than that our lives have been pretty much the same except that as of this month i am officially a full time SAHM. I love that i can stay with my boys and be here anytime they need me. Its not that i'm not thankful my IL were here to help but they are my children, therefore I should be the one raising them, and no knocks on those of you that have to use daycare it just isn't for us. we knew form the get go that no matter what if we had to choose between my income and daycare, well for us it was a no-brainer. so i''m home now, and i love it!
In other news, my mom is going to be here with us for easter and i can't wait. the last 5 years have been hard. my mom is my best friend and not having her here to escape to or even just chat was heartbreaking for me. seeing her once a year was hard too. i'm just so thankful that this journey to get her back home is finally almost over, and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. its been a hard and expensive road to travel but in hindsight well worth it. i know she is eager to pick up where she left of with D and to get to know G better and cuddle with them.
I'm also trying to get my business started and i've had sales honestly it has been better than i thought. Its a nice distraction for me, relaxing almost and if its a little something extra i can contribute then even better.
You guys should check me out even if its to be curious afterall word of mouth is better than none.
Bear Monkey Designs on etsy
Bear monkey Designs on facebook
So for the time being that is all the big news. Now that life is starting to settle down a bit i'm hoping to be here more.
oh and here are some pics of the things i've been busy doing.
first check out pics from the craft show last weekend here

and here is half of my easter outfit.

I have to say for it being the first time i make myself anything and without a pattern i'm very proud of how it turned out. and its sturdy enough that i won't be flashing people at church from it coming undone. I got my inspiration (and instructions) here

Also i've seen these little boys shorts everywhere,
  

I had some similar fabric so i made G a pair. what do think?

 
 

thanks to dana for her boy pants pattern. i love that woman!.

And last but not least my newest obssession Pinterest led me to the following projects:

necklace organizer - ideas from here

and this one too.
a trip to AC moore, $5 later and a glue gun and I had this:


and while i was at that i re-organzied and labeled my makeup corner. YES i am OCD and needed it all labeled, you know in case i forget what is where or what not

 now you see it - - -  now you don't

 and YES that is a full tray of lotions and body sprays. i think i'm set for the next oh 5 years or so.

That is all for now.

why i have been missing in action

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'till tomorrow,
For children grow up, I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby,
And babies don't keep.

--Ruth Hamilton


this is the best way i can sum up why this blog has been so quiet. as i watch my boys together i realize this time will be short that they are this little and still want to spend time with me. so blogging has taken a back seat for now.
not much to update other than we patiently wait for the return of AF after the hysteroscopy which revealed a polyp of placental tissue and inflammation which i will be on antibiotics for 6 weeks total to eradicate. i also O'd on my left side so i'm hoping its a sign that things are still working ok even after being on estradiol my body kind of picked right up after the dose was over.
so for now that is all i have to share. hope everyone is enjoying their summers i just wish it didn't have to end.

still educating myself on RPL and its possible causes

As we prepare ourselves for yet another surgery due to my sometimes dumb body and habit of loosing babies.
i'vee been keeping busy with dr. google to anwser some questions and raise even more for me to present to my RE.
I hope that my "research" can maybe help others who actually have a life and don't scour the interwebz, while the lil one is snoozing, instead of oh i don't know cleaning, laundry and the shopping list of stuff i need to do while he is asleep.
As some of yo may know i'm going in for a hysteroscopy tomorrow to "poke" around and remove any scar tissue from previous D&C and/or other causes.
so on with today's lessons:

What is Hysteroscopy?

minor surgical procedure utilizing a thin fiberoptic tube or hysteroscope to see the inside of the uterus (endometrial cavity). Hysteroscopy allows the doctor to diagnose and treat a variety of uterine abnormalities which may cause infertility, recurrent miscarriages, abnormal bleeding and pain.

which bring me to why i'm having so many losses...the honest anwser? we really don't know yet and i'm hoping this procedure tomorrow can clear some stuff up. if there is significant scar tissue to be removed then mre than likely that is why. see if the baby implant on scar tissue...its dead tissue with no real blood flow to it so baby won't get a proper blood supply. the other possibility was a heart shaped uterus or bicornuate uterus.

although he is pretty sure the later is not the case since the u/s all show a round/oval shaped uterus.

Recurrent Miscarriage

probably no aspect of infertility is more traumatic than becoming pregnant and then losing the baby to miscarriage. And while most women who miscarry do go on to give birth to a healthy baby in the next pregnancy, infertility specialists are often called in to find out the cause for the recurrent pregnancy loss and recommend treatment. The incidence of pregnancy loss among all women is about 20%. Statistics show that if the first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, the second has similar possibility - 20% - of the same outcome. After two miscarriages, however, the risk rises to 25%-30%. So, only about 4% of women will experience two consecutive pregnancy losses and less than 1% will experience 3 or more consecutive miscarriages. For this reason, most experts recommend that a woman see a fertility specialist if she has experienced two miscarriages in a row. For a woman who has had three consecutive miscarriages but no history of live birth, the next pregnancy has a 30-45% chance of ending in miscarriage. Keep in mind, however, that this means she still has better than 60% odds of carrying the next pregnancy to term! It had long been believed that - unlike "first" miscarriages, of which a little over half are caused by chromosomal abnormalities - recurrent pregnancy loss had other causes. However, recent research has demonstrated that about 60% of recurrent miscarriages are also caused by chromosomal abnormalities. Researchers are still debating what causes the remainder. Possibilities include immune system malfunction, hormone imbalances, distortions of the uterine cavity, and pelvic infections. Studies have also linked the use of alcohol, cigarettes, and excessive caffeine consumption to an increased risk of miscarriage. The risk of miscarriage increases with age, and, in many cases, can be attributed to an abnormal egg. As a woman gets older, the quality of her eggs diminishes resulting, not only in more miscarriages, but also in an increased infertility and genetic abnormalities (such as Down’s syndrome) rates. When a woman seeks medical care for recurrent miscarriages, her doctor will first seek to diagnose the cause for her problem. What causes recurrent miscarriage? A cause for the miscarriage can be identified in only 50 % of the cases.

Genetic causes - Your doctor may recommend genetic studies (chromosomal analysis) for you and your spouse. The incidence of chromosomal abnormality in either spouse is approximately 1-3 %. Whenever possible a genetic study of the miscarriage tissue should be obtained. IVF and Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD) has not been found to be particularly helpful as a screening tool for recurrent pregnancy loss, but may be considered in cases of repeated miscarriages attributed to abnormal chromosomal studies (karyotype) in either spouse.

Uterine factors - If, for example, the woman is found to have uterine fibroids or polyps  (two types of benign growths) hysteroscopic  or laparoscopic surgery  may be advised to remove these. Similarly, if she has a uterine septum (a congenital condition in which the uterus has a wall through the middle of it), surgery can correct this. Sometimes, scar tissue within the uterine cavity is responsible for the miscarriage (Asherman’s Syndrome).

Cervical factor – Incompetent cervix is associated with second trimester pregnancy loss as a result of weakening of the cervical tissue. The treatment involves placing stitches to strengthen the cervix and prevent it from dilating prematurely.

Ovulatory factors - If blood tests indicate that a woman has "luteal phase defect" (not producing enough of the hormone progesterone to support an early pregnancy), treatment with progesterone (injectable, vaginal tablets or suppositories) may be considered. Another option is HCG injections to increase the production of progesterone from the ovary. If the miscarriage is caused by faulty ovulation, treatment with fertility medications such as Clomiphene citrate (Clomid, Serophene) can restore normal ovulation and may improve your chance of a successful pregnancy. In some patients with ovulatory dysfunction caused by Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), treatment with Insulin blocker (Metformin) has been shown to improve ovulation and may also decrease the risk of miscarriages.

Advanced reproductive age  has been associated with diminished ovarian reserve  and increased rates of miscarriage. After age 40, 30-40% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, most often as a result of an abnormal number of chromosomes in the embryo (aneuploidy). Infectious causes - In some patients a miscarriage can be associated with the presence of an organism called "Ureaplasma", which can be detected by a simple cervical culture and treated with an antibiotic, such as, Doxycycline. Immunologic factors - such as Antiphospholipid antibodies (APA) or Factor V. In these types of cases, aspirin therapy (81mg daily) may be prescribed during pregnancy. Low dose Heparin therapy has also been demonstrated to be successful in about 80% of patients with recurrent pregnancy losses. Recent studies demonstrated both aspirin and heparin therapy to be equally effective in treating recurrent pregnancy loss with about 80% live birth rate. Unexplained recurrent miscarriages - In women with unexplained or unknown cause for the recurrent miscarriages, no specific treatment has been found to be helpful. In a recent randomized placebo-controlled study (2/2010) of 364 women with unexplained recurrent miscarriages, Aspirin and low-molecular weight heparin treatment did not improve live birth rates. 54.5% of women given aspirin and heparin had live births. 50.8% of women given aspirin alone and 57% of women given only placebo (sugar pill) had live births. Most importantly, aspirin and heparin therapy can increase the risk of placental abruption and pregnancy loss. The take home message is that there is no proven benefit to this treatment in women with recurrent miscarriages and that such treatment may increase the risk of pregnancy loss. Treatment with aspirin and heparin should, therefore, be reserved for patient with recurrent miscarriages caused by inherited thrombophilia or antiphospholipid syndrome. Leukocyte immunization and Immunoglobulin (IVIG) therapy have been evaluated in patients with recurrent miscarriages. The treatment is expensive and has been shown to provide no significant benefit in preventing further miscarriages. Similarly, natural killer cells (NK) have been implicated in recurrent pregnancy loss, but it is still not certain that NK are necessarily bad in humans. RPL TESTING An evaluation for known causes of recurrent pregnancy loss is most often initiated after 2 or 3 consecutive pregnancy losses and may include the following: Hysterosalpingogram (HSG), Saline Infusion Sonography  (SIS) and hysteroscopy  to make sure that there are no uterine abnormalities. Progesterone level or endometrial biopsy to see if an ovulatory disorder, such as corpus luteum defect, is causing the problem. Chromosomal analysis (karyotype) for the husband and wife. Culture for Ureaplasma organism. Immunologic workup (anticardiolipin antibodies, thrombophilia panel). Day 3 FSH and Estrogen (E2) levels to evaluate the ovarian reserve. Thyroid, prolactin, blood sugar and insulin levels (in PCOS  patients). Looking for sperm defects (Sperm DNA fragmentation) has not been proven to be helpful for patients with recurrent pregnancy loss. What can I do to prevent another miscarriage? Keep in mind that even if the cause for your miscarriages is unknown, you have about 60 - 70% chance of having a successful outcome with your next pregnancy. If the cause for your miscarriage is known, specific treatment can improve your chances for a successful pregnancy.  Maintain healthy weight and exercise regularly; avoid caffeine, alcohol and smoking. Consider folic acid supplementation and baby aspirin therapy. Seek support from professionals or family members to help you cope with the emotional difficulties often experienced after a miscarriage. If you are over 40  with recurrent pregnancy loss, the problem may be attributed to poor egg quality. In such cases, Donor egg IVF  can be considered. So as you can see its alot to take in. My personal belief is i may have ascherman's syndrome because of all my D&C, which in hindsight i wanted done to just get it done with and be able to move forward, but now it seems like its making me wait anyway to move forward. damned if i do damned if don't.

passing time

as we wait for my body to heal i've been keeping busy sewing and doing other crafts, so i figured i would share with you guys what i've been doing.
as i was driving through town  a couple of weeks ago i saw a girl wearing a stripped maxi dress and instantly wanted one because it looks so summery and just cute and simple yet put together.
i saw a couple online and in stores and tried them on but wasn't crazy about either price or fit or stule or all of the above. so i figure i would try making it myself.
i used a dress i already own, or more like 2 because its the top of one and the bottom of another.
i used those to make pattern pieces. then i cut my fabric and started piecing it all together.
i made the chest and back area double layers to conceal a bit more since the fabric is thin, not see through but thin

double layered

 the front top part where the straps will meet with the bodice

i left about an inch all around so i could fold over, pin and sew the seam allowance

and so i could have straight lines, not jagged

i lined up the top front part and the bottom front skirt part right sides together and sewed so the seam would be hidden

 the srtaps were basically long tubes sewed right sides together, then i used a saftey pin to pull one end through to the other side to put it right side out.

 the straps attached to the back piece

the front piece where the straps will meet and attach

the edges of the dress's seam allowance

 the final product. i added a flower made following this tutorial

 flower close up

i got my own labels from etsy. just think the give the clothes more of a finished look

 i attached the flower with a pin just in case i ever wanted to attach it to a headband or a belt or whatever

ta-da !!!

.
ok so moving on, i made Gabriel this shirt following this tutorial

close up of the embroidery. honestly i did this in bed watching tv after the kiddos were sleeping.

and finally, darren had this cute ikea table that he was supposed to use for homework, yeah he never did, so it moved to Gabriel as his drawing station but soon it became a rainbow of crayon colors on it., i couldn't really paint it because its not real wood, i guess if i had sanded then primed maybe i could hva painted, but i went the easy route bought chalkboard contact paper cleaned said table and voila instant chalkboard top table leaving room still for his paer roll to paint/drawn on, and its the perfect height.



And finally my two projects lined up and ready to go.
flat front pants with seersucker fabric. pattern found here

and i got all these cozy and fun flannel colors and train fabric to make this blanket for Gabriel

lastly but with out a picture, i got a gorgeous orange chiffon that i will be using to make this for myself.

so as you can see it should keep me busy as we wait for things to get moving.

the post i didn't think i would have to write ever again

i'm sure you guys have been wondering where the heck i've been, or not if i have any readers left.
well besides sewing and keeping busy with the boys i alos got an nice surpise on mother's day that had kept me..well...praying to the porcelain gods for quite some time.
I got a bfp and we were over the moon.
things wen't pretty normal( well normal for us anyway/0 we started the lovenox shots and the progesterone and then last week we had out 1st u/s which showed a faint heartbeat but also that i was a week behind schedule. Dr. wasn't really worried and said maybe i implanted late and wanted a repeat u/s this am.
i just got home from said u/s which showed not change in baby's size and more notably, no sign of heartbeat.
i'm devastated, i feel like no matter what i do i keep letting my husband down, i let my son down as he wants a big family, i feel, no i know that I am the problem, that more than likely its my eggs that are the issue.
michael says he want to talk to our Re and see if maybe he would rather do IVF so we stop having all these losses, that maybe we can control things and make it as good as possible.
i'm pretty sure we will be meeting with the genetic specialist and our RE to see what the best course of action is, because to be honest with you, 6 losses is just to much to handle at this point. i want a big family and carrying a pregnancy is obviously not an issue.
but how much more heartbreak can one person really take, even if they are as stubborn as i am?
please keep us in your prayers as we head in for a D&C this friday.
and more importantly hug your little ones extra tight tonight because they are truly a blessing and for those of us who struggle and fight and loose part of our souls in the process to have such a magical experience they are priceless.