I found katie's blog to be very inspiring, I tend to write and shut down when i am in pain. This ...list is what my life has been for the past week.
This is a Miscarriage To Do List I came up with along with fellow Nesties:
1. Cry.
2. Call mom.
3. Unsubscribe from all the "pregnancy week by week" emails and any other pregnancy related email stuff signed up for during pregnancy.
4. Cry more.
5. Attempt to eat.
6. Meet with doctor decide on natural m/c or surgery.
7. Get ready for surgery if that's your plan.
8. Ask lots of questions about surgery and post surgery - preferably before surgery, as afterwards, you may be woozy.
9. Have a D&C .
10. Wake up in recovery feeling better, but very very lonesome.
11. Enjoy the painkillers while they last.
12. Something I learned from fellow Nesties: Do not go to the trimester board you should be on if you were prego. It makes one angry, sad, jealous, and mostly pissed off.
13. Enjoy the fact that wine can be enjoyed now.
14. Enjoy the memories of pregnancy and that it was wonderful to be pregnant.
15. Check in with your husband frequently, because he may not always tell you what he's thinking.
16. Learn to hear "I'm sorry for your loss" all the time.
17. If you think it will be hard two weeks from now, get rid of all pictures/ultrasounds and anything baby related now so you don't find it in the future and start the water works all over again.
18. Allow yourself to cry, it hurts more to hold it in.
19. Ice cream for dinner really does heal the soul.
20. Don't blame yourself. You did nothing to cause the m/c and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.
21. Don't get angry when people say the wrong thing, and they WILL say the wrong thing. Know in your heart that they care but don't have the right way to express it.
22. Surround yourself with happy movies, happy friends, happy thoughts.
23. Follow up with your doctor in a few weeks to be sure your body is going back to normal.
24. Don't dwell on the "I would be X weeks PG by now".
25. When your estimated due date comes around, do something good for yourself. You don't have to ignore the date. Remember it in a positive way.
26. Encourage your dear husband to talk, but don't force your sadness on him. He may not be as devastated as you, especially with a very early miscarriage. And that's OK.
27. Don't impose some arbitrary date on yourself that mandates by when you must get pregnant again. It just makes it more painful when you aren't.
28. per Nestie PL Berty12777:
Take insensitive comments as an educational opportunity if you can handle it. I say, "I know you meant to be comforting, but it's probably better if you just say you're sorry". (It might be the teacher in me :)
29. Be open about your miscarriage. I think keeping it a big secret from everybody makes it seem like something you should be embarrassed about or something that should be private. I was a pretty big nutcase after my miscarriage. At least people could understand why I was acting like that.
30. Be nice to your Dear Husband. He also just lost his baby, but he may not want to be too emotional because he wants to make sure you're all right. Give him some time to cry and be sad, too.
One of the biggest lessons I learned is one that I probably knew but may have taken for granted and that is that pregnancy is truly a gift and blessing. When I found out i was pregnant (it was unexpected but we were thrilled), I spent a day or two thinking about how my life would change and vacations I would have to cancel and wine I would not drink and sushi i would not eat. Granted it was only a couple of days of those selfish thoughts, but what I wouldn't give to be back at that time and instead of thinking about things I would have to change, focus on how excited and blessed I was. I always assumed that once I got pregnant, we would have a child, and I have learned that unfortunately they don't go hand in hand. Next time, I will bask in the incredible luck, blessings, and good fortune from the very first second.
32. From PL Nestie leslieanne03 I bought a beautiful nursery themed box and filled it with the pictures, hand prints, footprints, a little toy and blanket we received at Xmas. I don't have to look through it every day, but it is there and that makes me feel good that all the special things are tucked away.
33. From PL Nestie leslieanne03
I also have the 3 u/s pics out and framed in our bedroom. It's for us, not our guests to see. I smile every time I see them.
34. From PL Nestie leslieanne03
Know that sometimes you will have to force yourself to be with friends, go shopping, etc but you usually feel better once you did it. But also know, it's ok to cancel plans and stay home just to cuddle with dh.
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